spilling ethos

Sunday, October 23, 2011

now

oh to think a thousand thoughts, not one of doubt and fear
go boldly now and dreams those dreams, my voice my child you'll hear.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

decisions

i thought the unveiling of all past pain and hurt would leave me crushed
how wrong i was
not only was i crushed
i have been slammed pressed stomped left slapped cut pounded ignored taken used dropped beaten covered hidden kicked punched ripped..... i guess my point has been made
i've nothing left to fear
which is the point i guess
praying for a path to be revealed i have found quite the opposite

standing with my hands by my side looking left then right then forward
nothing in sight
no choice to make
the paths have all been covered
i see no direction
which way do i go
do i clear each of the paths and then decide
do i choose one and clear it hoping it was the correct choice

i have waited in pain and agony trying to decide what to do
today i was broken in pain
people have chosen situations i am unable to support or defend
hurt crept in from today and yesterday and many years ago
where did all this come from
why today
i don't need this i'm trying to make decisions

i have a path to clear...................
i thought i had a path to clear
it was made clear to me today
a single path is before me
it was cleared a long time ago
i am the one entangled in a mess
it was myself that needed to be cleared

Thursday, August 18, 2011

gone

i did it
i took it all and gave it away
i didn't sell it
i let go of it all
the weight of it all was overwhelming
i am slowly becoming free

Monday, August 8, 2011

restore

i have been unable to write with clever wit or rhyme.
this is a season of restoration for me.
i am being built into a home, a shelter from the storm.


Thursday, August 4, 2011

white owl

i have been unable to write or process anything lately. the overwhelming pain i have felt has been too deep to uncover anything worth writing. exposed pain is quite ugly. and freeing.

i have uncovered truths over the past several months that have shocked me. i guess i should correct myself and say... truths were uncovered for me.

i have believed a lie. it has tormented me to the point of insanity. i have served unconditionally. but i have served man. not my creator. what was i thinking.

it all is a bit too raw to reveal it all here. i can't process it all. i can't possibly feel it all at one time. i will simply lose all feeling. being numb seems not so bad.

not sure what to do next but this music is helping. thank you mr. garrels. white owl.


Wednesday, July 20, 2011

enough.

overwhelmed and sad.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

now

turn your face the other way so i can't read the lies on your lips.
speak in a whisper so my head won't carry the weight of fake ideas.

i need truth that is backed up with the reality of life and words that leap from the page.
i know the weight of peace cannot be measured but fills my heart like a ton of bricks.