My Saturday

Today was a good day.

Last night was not.

It seems the dark brings a sense of panic. Not sure why. I have never been afraid of the dark. But when the sun goes down our home settles in. Morgan loves to go to bed early. She is in bed by 9:30pm. Emma sits and reads. Clayton quietly sleeps in the chair. As for myself....... my brain explodes with activity! Thinking about all the things undone for the day and the list of to-do's for the next day. I can't turn it off. Shut up brain!

And now, I have extra to think about. New questions to ponder. Will I have a tomorrow?

Remember this is a RAW blog. The feelings I share here are in their purest form. You may not agree with them or understand them but they belong to me so its o.k.

My brain composes its own song when the external is quiet. The song lately is dark and dreary. Very haunting and disturbing. Its not like I have forgotten the beautiful melody written by a Fathers loving hand just for me....... its just there is another song interrupting. Another beat. A floating tune off key.

I have found myself in this panic mode only at night. I try to compose myself into a peaceful melody and then the thoughts begin to whisper before screaming in my ear.

Oh God I cry!!!!!! Place a blindfold of wings to cover my unready eyes.


On tree branches
There are birds instead of leaves.
All at once, they lift through trees
To reveal the unseen.

A blindfold of wings
Held us from perfect sight,
While saving unready eyes.

All will be lost, all will be well.
All will be loved when living is hell.
We’ll cry dead leaves to grow.

In broken English,
Arguments igniting fires,
We’ll sing in off-key choirs
Of an ageless rebirth.

After feathers disappear,
Our bodies will heal and repair.

Sent down in envelopes,
A white sea of dangerous hope.
Arms overflow with the weightless flood of words,
Perfect ears let truth be heard,
And we will learn to let go.
We will learn to let go.

We’ll pull each letter one by one,
Every ribbon comes undone.
Our little eyes and little souls
Will now be strong enough to hold

The divorce of need.
Explanations breathe for us.

On paper waves we sway.
Our bodies get lifted away, outside of space.
We’ll send down the envelopes,
The forest resets in hope

Envelopes by SLEEPING AT LAST