Cinder and Smoke

The story continues even though writing lately hasn't been a priority.

I got a call a couple of weeks ago saying the doctor had reviewed all my tests and results and was still concerned about my pancreas. I calmly told the nurse they would not take my miracle from me. It was mine. The tumor was gone. She laughed and said no, no, no. They aren't taking that away. The doctor just wants to make triple sure. I can deal with that. Let them do another test to prove what God took away.

I'm knew at this whole miracle thing.

I went yesterday to Nashville to have a procedure done at St. Thomas hospital. It is a simple procedure called an esophagogastroduodenoscopy. Fancy name for an endoscopic ultrasound. The use a common endo tube with an ultrasound at the tip. They were only going to look at my pancreas up close through my stomach. No big deal.

I'm proving this miracle thing to be true. Whats the big deal.

I woke from the procedure throwing up violently. Unable to move I continued to vomit. I hate throwing up. Really hate it. But throwing up unable to move is worse. They brought me sprite to sip as I slowly regained my thoughts. I remember hearing words right before the procedure, "get the kit we are doing a biopsy". The doctor must have thought I was asleep. I heard. I wasn't.

"Did I have a biopsy?" were the first words from my mouth. The first waking moment was Clayton rubbing my back saying you are ok. (I asked him to do that so I would know I hadn't been admitted for complications) Whew. And then the doctor came in.

"Well, Mrs Koch...... we found a tumor measuring 7.something by 3.something. It is small but there, so I did a biopsy. Typically these are pre-cancerous but we shall see what the biopsy shows. I went through your stomach into your pancreas. Its probably why you were throwing up. Your stomach didn't like that. We also found an esophageal stricture. Its where the chest pain has been coming from. I stretched out your esophagus while I was there. You should feel some discomfort from all the violation. Don't worry. We will stay on top of this. We will do regular MRI's to follow the growth of the tumor. If it grows the slightest bit we will do another biopsy. For now. You rest the next 24 hrs. No activity. Only a soft liquid diet. I will be in touch with your other doctors. "

What? Are you serious? They told me it was gone. I had a miracle. It was mine! I have so much to learn about miracles.

For now, the image of this scripture from the Message translation has been on my mind.

Hebrews 12: 28-29 Do you see what we've got? An unshakable kingdom! And do you see how thankful we must be? Not only thankful, but brimming with worship, deeply reverent before God. For God is not an indifferent bystander. He's actively cleaning house, torching all that needs to burn, and he won't quit until it's all cleansed. God himself is Fire!

So with Iron and Wine in my iPod and ash in my mouth. I'm asking for fire.